…COUNTINUED

I and U were both captivated by each other’s smile. They felt an instant connection. As if they were meant to be together. U shyly introduced itself as LOVE.

I was smitten. Smitten to extent that nothing else mattered as compared to U. U became the world to I. I breathed U for survival. Right at the platform, I and U started to share. They became US.

US spoke about everything, right from philosophy to movies; discussing food to politics. Anything and everything under this Sun was talked by US. US disagreed on certain topics but mostly agreed on everything. They felt they were soul-mates in search of each other. And now that their search is complete they can rest and rejoice. I was more than happy. What surprised I was the fact that though U carried similar baggage marked POSSESSION, INSECURITY and JEALOUSY, I did not mind it. In fact, I was so much “in love” with U that it started carrying U’s baggage for U!!

It was a pleasant day when US boarded a train. They did so as they thought they were headed towards the same destination. As usual, I carried U’s luggage along with its own. While uploading it, I realized for the first time that U had many more bags than I knew existed. Along with the previous three came SUSPICION, DISTRUST, and a sling bag of HYPOCRISY!! I sure was taken aback but the love it felt towards U overpowered every doubt that nagged I. Though U questioned I’s motives and actions, I never ever uttered a word. The fact that I was still in touch periodically with all the past U did not go down well with the current. I tried explaining. I tried consoling. At the end of a gruelling finger pointing and name calling session from U, I finally decided to cut all the past from its journey. Though happy, U was still sceptical. But not even once did I think U would break I’s faith and trust. Unfortunately U did the exact same thing and gave a choice to I; either to forget the incidence and move on or break US and move on. U never gave I the time to think. And I chose to forget and continue being with U.

This breach in trust had hurt I real bad but I never showed it. When alone I kept thinking about it and thought that its better to know what U does than not knowing at all. U, however, took this new behavioural change requested by I as an encouragement and went on to do several more acts that hurt I a lot. I still never showed it for I was head over heels in love with U.

One day I found out that though U asked I to let go of its previous lifestyle, its memories et al; U still cherished its memories in a shrine. I was beyond being hurt. I was furious. And in this rage, I finally voiced its true feelings. U did not quite appreciate I’s aggressive approach. Once calm I realized its approach was wrong and apologised U for its previous behaviour. But sadly, by this time, U was so furious that it was not ready to understand I at all. U was bruised. To save its pride, its ego, U did things that hurt I even more than before. And thus began an exchange of action-reaction between the two. Neither I nor U realized when exactly US faded away into oblivion. There did come this time when both tried to revive US but it failed.

Now they are stuck together in such a horrible way that death would be considered a boon. They are so used to each other’s presence, that letting go is tough, yet can’t have a single conversation without either of them blasting. The days of a single topic conversation taking days has been replaced by yelling; yelling that is cut short by the other in 3mins at the max.

The train is travelling as of now, but a station can be seen as a speck. How calm and beautiful U looks, thought I as I loving looked at the sleeping U. I wants to get off at that approaching station but the thought of travelling without U saddens it.

I asks the sleeping U, “have we travelled so afar from US that we can never get back to the way we were?”

U opens its eyes and replies, “I don’t know.”

Now they are sitting right next to me gazing into each other’s eyes. No its is not love that they convey but a deep sadness, as the train of LIFE makes a roaring sound, as if mocking them, as it enters that station.

When I met U

I was reluctant to get with the journey of life. I’s mother had to literally push I inside the first train of LIFE. Much to I’s displeasure, the bogey was filled with crying babies just like itself. Annoyance was the first emotion I learnt. Soon I realized it was much easier in that train than on that platform. All I had to do was cry and everything was served, absolutely the way I wished, for if there was a slightest deviation from what I wanted, all it had to do was cry again and the shortcoming was tended to. But soon enough this understanding between I and its providers started changing. If I cried, it was not only yelled at but denied the whole demand altogether. I soon learnt to behave.

Though the scenery outside never seemed to matter in the beginning, it had started looking beautiful now. The stations came and went. Nothing was memorable though, till the sixteenth station. The train halted as usual. But there was something different about this station. It was so cherry red. So full of laughter and merriment! I couldn’t help but smile. This was the first time I saw U. U waltzed into the train. U smiled at I. God! The smile was mesmerizing! U came to I and introduced itself as LUST. LUST was very charming. Had its ways of seducing. I met many more who were seduced by LUST. It was LUST who got them all together one could say. I met many U. They became friends. These friends soon lost interest in the outside scenery and started the sole search, the search to know more about each other. They explored each other. There was this particular U that caught I’s attention. They started spending more time together. They were inseparable. They laughed together, cried together, ate together, slept together, even their breath was in sync. Soon enough I knew almost everything about U; that is what I thought. One autumn day, just like everyday, I and U were engrossed in a conversation and thus oblivious to the world. However, they were jolted back to reality, literally, due to a sudden break in the journey. U’s luggage fell off the carrier and landed straight on I’s lap. They laughed. That was first time I saw U’s luggage. The luggage was marked POSSESSION. I was startled. The reality hit real bad. I saw another bag marked INSECURITY and yet another named JEALOUSY. I decided to let go of this new information at that time, but, it never really let I breathe the way it used to. The train was getting claustrophobic. It started getting painfully horrible. By the time train halted at the twentieth station, I had enough of U and hence refrained from meeting it. I started loving its own company.

The equation between I and its caretakers had changed too. So much so that, by this time I ceased to need them. I could take care of itself. I was now capable of not only taking care of itself but also providing itself with whatever it desired, wished, wanted. Soon enough, I said goodbye to its existence givers and boarded off the train.

Once on the platform, I took a deep breath of fresh, free, no hassles breath. Oh! The feeling was lovely. I kept boarding different trains, meeting different U and changing those trains the moment it started getting claustrophobic with U. I did not give a rats’ arse about this change of trains every now and then. But soon came a time when I started feeling lonely. I brushed these lonely thoughts away by meeting a new U.

Though not in the same train, I sure was in touch with the ones who took care of it when it was not able to on its own. Soon enough, even those closed ones started asking I to settle with one U. But how could it with so many restrictions and binds that U put on it! Gosh! I could never explain this to them.

The parents’ concern about I’s ending up alone added to the mind fuck I was already going through due to loneliness. The gloom always disguised with a happy, don’t give a damn attitude made people consider I as an arrogant *&%%$#(@@$*&^&)!! But I was too reserved to change its attitude.

With this attitude chip on its shoulder, I got off yet another train. That train was one those trains wherein I did not meet U. Little did I knew that U would be sitting right there on the platform as if waiting for I. I and U noticed each other at almost the same time. They smiled. Both were captivated by each other’s smile. They felt an instant connection. As if they were meant to be together. U shyly introduced itself as LOVE.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there was a child named I. I was a very happy child. One day while playing with friends I fell down a pit. This is I’s story:

I began falling. Free-falling in this dark pit. I was dazed and confused. Didn’t understand a thing. I was thinking, more like wondering, how did I fall in this hole!?! No answer sprang. No matter how hard I tried to think, I couldn’t recollect how exactly I began the descend! This darkness is getting on to me, I thought!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, I heard a crackling sound, and the next thing I knew was that it’s skin burned. The pain was excruciating. LIFE smiled. I asked the reason behind the lashing I just received. LIFE told I that it had a debt to pay. A debt of its sins of the past. Confusion took over yet again.

I was used to the dark now. I saw a smile in the dark. I got scared. I wasn’t aware that there was someone else in this non-ending well along with it! The smile told I that it’s called SERENITY.

SERENITY told I that, it was going to give I company in it’s fall. SERENITY had coldness about it. It was sweet and calm, a bit too calm. Its Monalisa smile didn’t comfort I much. But then again, something is better than nothing, right? At least I had someone to talk to. I became pally with it. I had some stability even in that fall, so as I thought. How wrong was I!

Anyway, with SERENITY, I learned to smile. I saw a faint light at a distance, or should I say, far below them. I asked SERENITY what it was. It replied, HAPPINESS. I asked, “Happiness?” “Yes. One more friend to give you company,” it replied. I was excited to see how HAPPINESS would be. I hoped and prayed for I wished it not to be as boring as SERENITY. HAPPINESS met them soon. There was so much jumpiness about it. It had its associates, LIGHT, BEAUTY and LOVE along with it. Everything was so much fun. HAPPINESS taught I how to Laugh. I was enjoying itself with HAPPINESS and its associates that I didn’t realize SERENITY had left; not that I missed it, but still. HAPPINESS took I’s dullness away. I’s skin began to glow from inside. I looked beautiful. I was laughing all the time.

Suddenly, without realizing, they were joined by an evil looking cloak. What was weird about the cloak was that it had an inviting smile. A smile that wouldn’t make one uneasy, unlike that of SERENITY. I wondered what it was! HAPPINESS introduced I to COMPROMISE. I neither hated nor liked COMPROMISE. It never spoke a word. And even if it did, never to I directly. It only spoke to HAPPINES and its associates. Soon, the jumpy behaviour was gone. The laughter was replaced by only a smile. I realized COMPROMISE was the one responsible. I yelled at it, it didn’t budge. I punched it. It threatened I in return. I found its threats hollow, so I punched it again. This time harder. It got angry. It caught hold of HAPPINESS and evaporated. LIGHT, BEAUTY and LOVE gave I a wary smile and faded in thin air in an instant. I was alone again.

Neither HAPPINESS nor SERENITY to give I company, I felt lonely. The walls of the pit started caving in. I thought they were gonna crush it. How wonderful would that have been! But then again, I still hadn’t paid its debt off. The physical closeness of the walls made I claustrophobic. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to rip its clothes off. I did so to no avail. I wanted to get out of that skin, that body! I tried to scratch the skin off but soon realized that I was trapped in that body. Locked, chained and bolted. The walls soon started giving I the original space. I was relieved. I could breathe again! I closed its eyes and inhaled. I opened its eyes to see two strangers staring deep into I’s eyes. One of them apologized for scaring I that way. I smiled. It introduced itself to I as SORROW and the other one as its associate, GLOOM. This fall was becoming interesting!

“AAAAAAAAAARGH! Can’t you give me a heads up before whipping me like that,” I yelled. LIFE laughed at I and said, “whats the fun in that!” True. I agreed. SORROW and GLOOM smiled as well. Though I’s skin burned, it couldn’t help return the smile. GLOOM got a first-aid kit and SORROW applied an ointment on I’s burns. They took good care of I. Though they were the ones who had taught I how to cry when they first met I, they were making I smile. I was laughing in their company. They made I feel Alive in that dead hole! I loved them!!!!!! They were always there with I, taking care of its burns after every time LIFE lashed i. Though I cried from time-to-time, they somehow made I smile at the end of it. I truly loved them!!

One day, I saw a smile. A familiar smile that I couldn’t quite place. I knew that smile, but whose was it!! Gosh! It felt like it was in some another lifetime. SERENITY was back with its eerie, dumb smile! They had so much to catch up! SERENITY and SORROW acknowledged each other in a rather cold way. I was so busy catching up that it didn’t see SORROW leave with GLOOM. Post realization, I was surprised to find itself not miss them!! SERENITY has a thing about itself. It grows on to someone like a parasite. One gets used to it after spending a considerable amount of time. So did I. I asked it one day, “what do you think went wrong that made COMPROMISE take HAPPINESS away like that?” it explained that I was not patient enough. If I wished to be with HAPPINESS longer then I had to work its way around COMPROMISE, it told I. I wished it could go back in time and correct its error.

Its wish came true. No, I didn’t go back in time, but it saw LIGHT one day, far below. I met HAPPINESS once again. LIGHTER was brighter, BEAUTY was prettier, and LOVE was deeper than before. HAPPINESS said it was stronger this time. SERENITY soon left as before. I’s sullen skin glowed once again. COMPROMISE soon joined them. As soon as I saw COMPROMISE, I held on to HAPPINESS. It smiled at I. Smiled the way a mother smiles at her child when the child tightens its grip around the mother’s hand in the company of unknown (to it) relatives. I was scared of losing HAPPINESS again. So much so that I didn’t realize that its hug had started choking HAPPINESS. Frightened by its own actions, I let go. The moment it was free, HAPPINESS along with its associates left I engulfed in the dark again. COMPROMISE grinned and called I a Jackarse and left.

LIFE lashed I, out of nowhere as usual. SORROW along with GLOOM came rushing with medicines. I cried its eyes out, less from burns but more because of its stupidity. I cried till I could cry no more. As before, SORROW and GLOOM cheered I up. I felt alive once again! SERENITY’s jealousy got better of it. And soon enough it came back making SORROW and GLOOM leave along with their aid box.

This pattern soon set in. no matter how hard I tried, I never really got comfortable with SERENITY due to its smile. HAPPINESS left I as it was not forthcoming the next time; the next time it left cause I was boring and yet another time cause I had changed!! oO

During one I’s lashings, I asked LIFE how come all its ‘friends’ keep meeting it in the same sequence? LIFE laughed at I’s naivety and exclaimed, “haven’t you realized it yet!!??! You are not falling into a well where there will be an end. You are caught in a cycle. You will attain Nirvana once your debts are paid off, with interest, of course.” LIFE winked and left with I’s skin burning. Those burns got no attention as I was with SERENITY then.

Now, I is accustomed to this whole drama.

The lashings continue. Though, I is used to it, it still hurts. LIFE realized that I had grown to the burns, so now-a-days, it has started using a cane with thorns. So these days, I bleeds.

SORROW and GLOOM are the only ones I truly love and adore; a they are the only ones who cures I’s injuries till date and continue to do so. They are the only ones who make I feel alive.

SERENITY’s jealousy doesn’t allow it to watch I laugh with them. Its jealousy is turning into obsession with each passing day. With each cycle, SERENITY lets I spend lesser time with SORROW as compared to the previous cycle.

I has learned to live with COMPROMISE, though HAPPINESS continues to come up with new ways of leaving. Its excuses have become real creative. It is with I right now so I can’t bitch about it much to me. LOL. It anyway seems to be scheming an innovative reason.

Gotta go to see why is COMPROMISE smiling at I, seems like HAPPINESS wants to talk. I wonder what it would be this time!!

;D

UNINVITED,

You walk in our lives;

CONFIDENCE,

Evidently there.

HYPNOTIC,

The look in your eyes;

ITS MORE,

Than we can bear!

ITS You,

Who turns crushes in love,

ITS You,

Who makes us want;

ITS You,

Who melts us from inside,

TO Whom,

We wanna flaunt!

YOU, A-typical Casanova,

Look, what you have done.

Putting girls like me, in misery,

Seems like your type of fun.

YOU, put a demure-shy image

That, takes our breath away.

And then you have the flirty talks,

Which make our hearts to sway.

YOU, A-typical Casanova,

Who blames it all on us.

Melts, then breaks our hearts,

As you walk along,

Making us ready to cuss.

Unsure of my future,

I wandered around.

Was walking aimlessly

and BAM! I fell on the ground!

Mesmerized by his eyes,

smitten by his talk,

dazed by his kisses,

I dream as I walk.

I dreamed with him,

I dreamed alone.

NO! No, he was no

Sylvester Stallone.

But he had my heart,

and I guess,

that's a good start!

I was in love, I thought,

Hell! I sure do was!

He loved me, he kept saying,

then temme the break cause..

I scream, I yell,

Am falling apart.

Keeping a boyfriend

sure seems an art!

I have failed once more,

ended with heart-slain.

My heart bleeds...

...Oh! So once again!!!

In the quilt of life,

We sew many patches.

Many colours interwoven,

With lots of facets.

The patches stitched

Not always in harmony;

They remind us the moments,

But not always a ceremony.

So,

Will you, I ask

Take my offer?

Will you, I ask,

Be the new duffer?

Will you, I ask

Be a patch in my quilt??

I have got

The gleaming moon lights,

And also some

Very bright sunny nights.

There is flattery,

Praises and appreciations.

No prizes there,

But lots of consolations.

So,

Will you, I ask

Take my offering?

Will you, I ask

Not wait till buffering?

Will you, I ask

Be a patch in my quilt?

Will you be a

Patch in my quilt?

Add a new colour,

A different shade to it?

Will you???

ITS JUNE!

Its June!

Thunders strike, waters pour. Rain coats and Umbrellas are out. The gloom is back!

Its raining! The smell of earth intoxicating. Its amazing.

Individually, I hate this season. Its very gloomy, sad and makes one nostalgic. Its pathetic. But the trees and plants look so fresh! So lively. They Breathe!

There is a chill in the rain; the one that makes us want to cuddle up with the 'special someone' in a blanket and have a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

That time of the year is back.

It starts raining. The kids are out in full force. The parents rush inside. Of course, exceptions like my mother can be seen roaming the neighboring streets--> smiling as she soaks in that first showers. Dad says its stupid though he thinks its cute.

It stops raining. The kids seem disappointed. They want more. The parents are ready with towels in hands.

Personally, am glad that it stopped. But it has left the chill behind, leaving us aching for that blanket and the cup of hot cocoa.

The season has arrived.

The season of diseases introduces us to a wide range of insects. The stinky and slimy remain its favorite. The butterflies are gone (Thank god for that) but are replaced by the equally disgusting worms of various kinds. Snails are thankfully absent where I stay, but the reptiles from deep down emerge. The crabs are mating, the frogs (big, small, yellow eyed, lean, mean, poisonous, the stupid ones) are all leaping. The snakes are gliding. The small non-poisonous ones can be seen at least one per day, or is it the same I see!!? But the ones we call 'Ajgar' is a rare sighting. The ajgar snaking down and searching for its prey is worth watching (of course, its second to cobras mating) for the way it sneaks in a burrow is simply cool.

This is that time of the year, when we are made to realize that humans and dogs (read stray) are not the only speices on this earth.

Its that time of the year when we get maximum number of holidays ;D Holidays are the gifts of this season wrapped in power-cuts. Of course the oligarchy exists here as well. The privileged, the blessed ones (read Mumbaikars) always enjoy the gift without its wrapping. But every rule has an exception like 2005. The mere mortals like us are happy nevertheless.

The rainbow season is the most romantic. Its easy to spot singles. How you ask?! Well, they are the ones with a slouch! I was one of the slouchy people. Its not the person (honey) that is missed during this season of romance, its the feeling, the romance itself that we miss.

I Hate Rains.

Once Again...

The sun is shining,

over my head;

the rays are kissing

my parched face.

The flowers are smiling,

Oh! so once again;

They are blooming,

in this winter haze.

The phase is gone,

the spells' lifted.

The daze is over

and I am gifted

with Life!!

The silence is golden,

its serene.

Once again, my life is acting

as caffeine.

The nature's working

in synergy.

I think, I feel,

I am so high energy.

The phase is gone,

the spells' lifted.

The daze is over,

and I am gifted

with Life!!

I am in love with

myself anew.

My self-esteem restored

thanks to you.

Once again I dream,

of a Romeo.

Once again I want

to be a Juliet.

The phase is gone,

the spells' lifted.

The daze is over

and I am gifted

with Life!!