…COUNTINUED

I and U were both captivated by each other’s smile. They felt an instant connection. As if they were meant to be together. U shyly introduced itself as LOVE.

I was smitten. Smitten to extent that nothing else mattered as compared to U. U became the world to I. I breathed U for survival. Right at the platform, I and U started to share. They became US.

US spoke about everything, right from philosophy to movies; discussing food to politics. Anything and everything under this Sun was talked by US. US disagreed on certain topics but mostly agreed on everything. They felt they were soul-mates in search of each other. And now that their search is complete they can rest and rejoice. I was more than happy. What surprised I was the fact that though U carried similar baggage marked POSSESSION, INSECURITY and JEALOUSY, I did not mind it. In fact, I was so much “in love” with U that it started carrying U’s baggage for U!!

It was a pleasant day when US boarded a train. They did so as they thought they were headed towards the same destination. As usual, I carried U’s luggage along with its own. While uploading it, I realized for the first time that U had many more bags than I knew existed. Along with the previous three came SUSPICION, DISTRUST, and a sling bag of HYPOCRISY!! I sure was taken aback but the love it felt towards U overpowered every doubt that nagged I. Though U questioned I’s motives and actions, I never ever uttered a word. The fact that I was still in touch periodically with all the past U did not go down well with the current. I tried explaining. I tried consoling. At the end of a gruelling finger pointing and name calling session from U, I finally decided to cut all the past from its journey. Though happy, U was still sceptical. But not even once did I think U would break I’s faith and trust. Unfortunately U did the exact same thing and gave a choice to I; either to forget the incidence and move on or break US and move on. U never gave I the time to think. And I chose to forget and continue being with U.

This breach in trust had hurt I real bad but I never showed it. When alone I kept thinking about it and thought that its better to know what U does than not knowing at all. U, however, took this new behavioural change requested by I as an encouragement and went on to do several more acts that hurt I a lot. I still never showed it for I was head over heels in love with U.

One day I found out that though U asked I to let go of its previous lifestyle, its memories et al; U still cherished its memories in a shrine. I was beyond being hurt. I was furious. And in this rage, I finally voiced its true feelings. U did not quite appreciate I’s aggressive approach. Once calm I realized its approach was wrong and apologised U for its previous behaviour. But sadly, by this time, U was so furious that it was not ready to understand I at all. U was bruised. To save its pride, its ego, U did things that hurt I even more than before. And thus began an exchange of action-reaction between the two. Neither I nor U realized when exactly US faded away into oblivion. There did come this time when both tried to revive US but it failed.

Now they are stuck together in such a horrible way that death would be considered a boon. They are so used to each other’s presence, that letting go is tough, yet can’t have a single conversation without either of them blasting. The days of a single topic conversation taking days has been replaced by yelling; yelling that is cut short by the other in 3mins at the max.

The train is travelling as of now, but a station can be seen as a speck. How calm and beautiful U looks, thought I as I loving looked at the sleeping U. I wants to get off at that approaching station but the thought of travelling without U saddens it.

I asks the sleeping U, “have we travelled so afar from US that we can never get back to the way we were?”

U opens its eyes and replies, “I don’t know.”

Now they are sitting right next to me gazing into each other’s eyes. No its is not love that they convey but a deep sadness, as the train of LIFE makes a roaring sound, as if mocking them, as it enters that station.

When I met U

I was reluctant to get with the journey of life. I’s mother had to literally push I inside the first train of LIFE. Much to I’s displeasure, the bogey was filled with crying babies just like itself. Annoyance was the first emotion I learnt. Soon I realized it was much easier in that train than on that platform. All I had to do was cry and everything was served, absolutely the way I wished, for if there was a slightest deviation from what I wanted, all it had to do was cry again and the shortcoming was tended to. But soon enough this understanding between I and its providers started changing. If I cried, it was not only yelled at but denied the whole demand altogether. I soon learnt to behave.

Though the scenery outside never seemed to matter in the beginning, it had started looking beautiful now. The stations came and went. Nothing was memorable though, till the sixteenth station. The train halted as usual. But there was something different about this station. It was so cherry red. So full of laughter and merriment! I couldn’t help but smile. This was the first time I saw U. U waltzed into the train. U smiled at I. God! The smile was mesmerizing! U came to I and introduced itself as LUST. LUST was very charming. Had its ways of seducing. I met many more who were seduced by LUST. It was LUST who got them all together one could say. I met many U. They became friends. These friends soon lost interest in the outside scenery and started the sole search, the search to know more about each other. They explored each other. There was this particular U that caught I’s attention. They started spending more time together. They were inseparable. They laughed together, cried together, ate together, slept together, even their breath was in sync. Soon enough I knew almost everything about U; that is what I thought. One autumn day, just like everyday, I and U were engrossed in a conversation and thus oblivious to the world. However, they were jolted back to reality, literally, due to a sudden break in the journey. U’s luggage fell off the carrier and landed straight on I’s lap. They laughed. That was first time I saw U’s luggage. The luggage was marked POSSESSION. I was startled. The reality hit real bad. I saw another bag marked INSECURITY and yet another named JEALOUSY. I decided to let go of this new information at that time, but, it never really let I breathe the way it used to. The train was getting claustrophobic. It started getting painfully horrible. By the time train halted at the twentieth station, I had enough of U and hence refrained from meeting it. I started loving its own company.

The equation between I and its caretakers had changed too. So much so that, by this time I ceased to need them. I could take care of itself. I was now capable of not only taking care of itself but also providing itself with whatever it desired, wished, wanted. Soon enough, I said goodbye to its existence givers and boarded off the train.

Once on the platform, I took a deep breath of fresh, free, no hassles breath. Oh! The feeling was lovely. I kept boarding different trains, meeting different U and changing those trains the moment it started getting claustrophobic with U. I did not give a rats’ arse about this change of trains every now and then. But soon came a time when I started feeling lonely. I brushed these lonely thoughts away by meeting a new U.

Though not in the same train, I sure was in touch with the ones who took care of it when it was not able to on its own. Soon enough, even those closed ones started asking I to settle with one U. But how could it with so many restrictions and binds that U put on it! Gosh! I could never explain this to them.

The parents’ concern about I’s ending up alone added to the mind fuck I was already going through due to loneliness. The gloom always disguised with a happy, don’t give a damn attitude made people consider I as an arrogant *&%%$#(@@$*&^&)!! But I was too reserved to change its attitude.

With this attitude chip on its shoulder, I got off yet another train. That train was one those trains wherein I did not meet U. Little did I knew that U would be sitting right there on the platform as if waiting for I. I and U noticed each other at almost the same time. They smiled. Both were captivated by each other’s smile. They felt an instant connection. As if they were meant to be together. U shyly introduced itself as LOVE.

TO BE CONTINUED…